.:: I'm In A Persistent Vegetative State ::.

Code blue!!!!!!!!!!!
Code blue!!!!!!!!!!!
*(Code Blue is generally used to indicate a patient requiring immediate resuscitation, most often after suffering a cardiac arrest.)

i think i'm in that situation. yang perlukan tindakan emergency secepat mungkin supaya aku akan tetap bertahan.
my heart dies....
my heart dies....
someone needs to defibrillate my heart now before it will stop pumping.
gelap. kelam. malap.
as if my whole body is sucked into a complete darkness.
who's gonna help?

i'm in a Persistent vegetative state. 

(This is a state of severe unconsciousness. The person is unaware of his or her surroundings and incapable of voluntary movement. With a persistent vegetative state, someone may progress to wakefulness but with no higher brain function. With persistent vegetative state, there is breathing, circulation, and sleep-wake cycles.)

i'm dying i think.those feelings were like a memory to me.it stays in the previous days but i am living in this present day.my mind asked me to stop feeling, stop believing, stop loving. but my damn heart says keep feeling, keep believing, keep loving. 

"this isn't permanent, this is a life lesson." my heart says.

"come on, no one live in fairy tale. no one live in korean dramas. no one live in twilight sagas." reality says.

so i think, i'll just stay in this persistent vegetative state then. a state where i cannot feel, a state where i cannot think wisely, a state where i am unaware of my freaking surroundings. a state where no one can grasp me. and

a state where you cannot save me.

.:: Please Forgive Me ::.

with the name of Allah Most Compassionate Most Merciful

yes, 

i made a mistake.

not just any mistake, it is a major mistake.

i am truly sorry.

sorry that i chose it wrong.

sorry that my choice hurts u.

sorry that i hurt u.

please forgive me.

)':

.:: Late Night At McD ::.

with the name of Allah the Most Compassionate Most Merciful

studying late night.

at McDonald's restaurant.

hidup sangat busy lately.

busy dengan profesi  seorang student medic.

busy dengan tekanan perasaan yang lately ni kerapkali bertandang.

haih, kerja bertimbun tu bole handle lagi.

tapi ganguan jiwa tu buat aku hampir berserah.

lelah.

hati ini sangat lelah.

okay,

urusan pelajaran dulu.

esok kena submit KTI, yang still belum dapat green light penuh dari dr. Arlinda.

esok juga hari last before exam blok Emergency Medicine 2.

22 lecture notes tu ko belum hadam abes lagi Ain!

ni selamba kau tulis blog.

(curi2, kat McD ad wifi. :P)

okay,

urusan hati.

it's been tough for two weeks.

ye lah, sekali-sekala Tuhan bagi kau masalah,

tak perlu mengeluh sangat lah kan?

syukurlah, Tuhan tu masih ingat kau, ye tak?

tapi betul.

senyum ikhlas dari hati tu dah lama tak keluar.

senyum untuk orang lihat sahaja sudah memadai.

rahsia hati,, tak perlu cerita pada satu dunia lah kan?

now,

i'm with him.

the one who brings smile to my face.

the one who lits up my day.

just accompany him siapkan KTI.

aku?

menyebok tepi ni ha just dapat abiskan satu K.

haha!

sokay, at least kau dapat senyum ikhlas hari kan?

(:

this is Aslam's typing : 

busy dengan kti yg dibuat last minit,

exam lg 2 hari,

lg 7 slide kuliah blm blaja,

dgn perut yg lapar(wa nk diet)

truly,

kan? (;

.:: Apple ::.

with the name of Allah Most Compassionate Most Merciful


"well then hopefully the hate subside
and the love can begin..i might start now, maybe i'm just dreaming out loud.." - Sara Bareilles



i put up a smile on my face, cause it's the strongest thing i could do. the only way i can live up my day.

posted from Bloggeroid

.:: Picture Talking 11 (: ::.

with the name of Allah Most Compassionate Most Merciful


menangis itu perlu.
saat begini sangat perlu.
kalau disimpan jadi sakit jiwa nanti.




done it.
now feeling better.
thank you.

posted from Bloggeroid

.:: Happy 2nd Anniversary! ::.

with the name of Allah Most Compassionate Most Merciful


12th of May.
A meaningful day.
It means it's been 2 years.
Full of cries & laughters,
Fights & comforts,
Hating & loving each other.

Love,
thank you for being there,
for always being there.
thank you for your patience, heart & concern.
through you, i know myself better and realize what type of person am i.







Aslam, i love you. With all my heart.

posted from Bloggeroid

.:: When Typing Gets Easier Than Talking ::.

I'M SORRY

sometimes, I get jealous thinking that someone else could make you happier than I could.

I guess it's my insecurities acting up.

because I know I'm not the prettiest, smartest or most fun and exciting.

but, I know that no matter how hard and long you look;

you'll never find somebody that love you like I do.

i need that pills. everyday. or else, i gets sick.

.:: Carved ::.

with the name of Allah the Most Compassionate Most Merciful

lagu melayu yang buat aku rasa bahagia.

aih, ini kes parah.

Yuna-Terukir Di Bintang

'hati ini bukan milikku lagi..'

.:: Jatuh Cinta ::.

with the name of Allah the Most Compassionate Most Merciful

Bangun pagi. 

Alhamdulillah, 

diri ini masih dibenarkan untuk bernafas.

otak ligat berfikir,

rutin seharian mesti diteruskan.

tapi, pagi ini aku rasa lain.

lain.sangat lain berbanding pagi-pagi sebelumnya.

perasaan yang di dalam ini sangat berbeza.

pagi yang lebih indah.

matahari yang lebih cantik sinarnya.

betul, aku terasa itu.

lain, sangat lain.

HATI.

hati yang dulu tidak pasti sekarang jadi yakin.

fikiran yang ragu-ragu sekarang jadi satu.

mulut yang takut mengiyakan sekarang jadi berani.

aku terasa mahu menjerit kepada dunia.

serta-merta!

Tuhan,

aku telah jatuh cinta!

lega.
aku fikir doa zaman silam supaya dikeraskan hati itu kekal lama.
syukur, dia jumpa kunci tu.
kunci yang entah mana aku lempar supaya tiada siapa boleh jumpa.

ini berita gembira untuk dia.

lama. penantiannya sangat lama.

terima kasih kerana sabar menunggu.

perjalanan masih jauh.
yang di depan itu belum pasti.
DOA.
"semuanya terletak pada doa",
pesanan seorang sahabat yang aku letak tinggi dalam hati.

p/s : org rs, org dah jth cnta kt Aslam.

(;

.:: Monolog Dalaman ::.

with the name of Allah the Most Compassionate Most Merciful

hampir. sangat hampir. nyaris lagi aku lakukan sesuatu hari ini. entah dari mana keputusan tu tiba-tiba menyerbu. seolah-olah itu kata muktamad dari aku. memang, kalau dikumpulkan semua tu, kalau diingat kembali satu-persatu, memang tiada jalan balik lagi. okey, mari fikir.

otak : soalnya, bersedia ke awak tu ain?
hati : tipulah kalau aku kata tak akan sedih. sedih itu pasti. tapi aku perlukan ini. either way, aku akan sedih jugak.
otak : tapi perlu ke? kau tak rasa keputusan kau tu terburu-buru?
hati : diamlah. yang sakit bukan kau, aku jugak yang sakit nanti.
otak : hahaha, cuba kau fikir baik-baik. betul ke ini yang kau nak?
hati : hmmm.. aku keliru dengan apa yang aku nak.
otak : tengok? kau terburu-buru.
hati : hei, kadang-kadang apa yang kita mahukan tak semestinya kita dapat. tapi apa yang kita dapat semestinya apa yang kita perlu.
otak : okey, okey aku faham. entahlah hati, aku tak tau apa yang baik untuk kau. untuk kita.
hati : haa, tau pun. kau pun keliru.
otak : aku benci bila aku tak dapat bertemu solution. kau complicated sangatlah! (berkerut)
hati : (senyum) aku memang dah di'design' sebegitu.

jadi, aku still jumpa jalan buntu. susah sangat duduk diam je la. tak payah buat apa-apa. be patient, be good. aku akan cuba. but it's the time, it's always time.

cik hati                                     encik otak